This is incredibly powerful and I really could visualise what was happening each step of the way. Which maybe isn't all a good thing!

The first thing I noticed was your lack of capitals...usually I moan about it, but this time it took a harsh edge off the whole piece. It seemed to me that your lines and the story you were telling were hard enough without the added punctuation - if that makes sense.

I like that the technicalities are in here - the iridium 8817_sat and the g36c rifles. It shows that you either have experienced a world where this type of equipment is normal or that you've researched or gained knowledge somewhere along the way.

One small picky bit - 'that it all.' I don't know, but maybe you meant that is all? My brain stuck a while on that line trying to make it fit because the rest of the piece was perfect in its own way.