she is supposed to be celebrating her 13th birthday. she is supposed to be singing and dancing at her birthday party. she is supposed to open lots of presents from her friends, from her mother and father, from her grandparents. she is supposed to be surrounded by joy and smiles and party tunes. she is supposed to laugh like crazy watching a clown show her father arranged for her. she is supposed to treasure this day in her memories, down the line. she is supposed to think about what amazing things are waiting for her at her 14th birthday. she is supposed to eat a chocolate cake, and share the pieces with her friends. she is supposed to have her picture taken blowing out the candles on her birthday cake. she is supposed to blow at the little polaroid picture that captured her joy, that captured her friends. she is supposed to go around showing the polaroid picture to everyone, then proudly post it in her photo album she got as a present not moments ago. she is supposed to have fun. she is supposed to go to sleep happy, tired and smiling.
she is not supposed to lie in my arms, having just found her, with a hole in her little heart, blood everywhere. she is not supposed to have the horrified look on her pale face, in some old, dirty basement. she is not supposed to have her life end.
and with this scene - my life ends as well. trusted, greasy gun in my mouth.






















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